" Fishy, are you upset about something?"
" Not particularly"
" Well ...... you seem upset".
I walked around him to check on dinner in the oven. As I passed by I gave him my no trespassing look but did not say anything. When dinner and the Kitchen cleanup were both over Blowfish said,
" It's not like you to be so quiet so what's up? is Mom worse? client orders didn't come? Mermaid came off a horse?"
I stopped what I was doing to turn and say, " Mom is still waiting on God, clients are all fine, Mermaid is fine." Then I left the room. Not too much time passed before Blowfish arrived at my side in the Laundry Room where I was folding yet another load of stuff.
" Are you out of chocolate? I could make an emergency trip."
" Blowfish, go facebook, or game or read or watch the talking heads yell at each other. I'm busy".
" Fishy, I been around a while now and if there is one thing I have learned about you it's that you do laundry, lots of it, when you are upset about things. I have never seen you do this much laundry before. Fact is, I don't think I've ever seen this laundry before".
" Leave me be Blowfish, leave me be".
He is right. When I cannot put things in order in an emotional/psychological venue I am compelled to as much physical order as possible. I organize closets, the kitchen, the garage, the attic or; if I just cannot take the time in one big chuck for those larger projects ,then I do laundry. When it's very bad I take everything out of all the linen closets ( we have 6) and wash it all.
It's a wonder she didn't set the place on fire as I think she had a cigarette going in every room. Eventually she came out to the porch and sat down to work on a jig saw puzzle with us kids.
That's the other thing I still do when I cannot get to a peaceful place in my spirit. There is something therapeutic about puzzles. You take fragments and make something good whole again. It is symbolic but there is something in this activity which quiets the anxiety.
So what do you do? Punch bags? Jog for miles? Scream at squirrels? Pull weeds?
One of my friends says you can always judge her status by looking at her pantry.
She swears a neat, orderly
Her children confirm. If they come home, fling open the larder doors and encounter order they call friends, aunts,uncles, grands or preachers to beg to be adopted starting immediately. During these phases her husband spends hours hitting his grocery cart of tennis balls against the garage wall. The "all clear" in their house is a packed, jumbled pantry.
So , please, tell Fishy what is your 'go to' activity when your world is a bit out of balance and there is not a single thing that can be done to set things to right? For those times when you become knowledgeable about what it actually means " to endure". When you have done all you can do but cannot,
cannot,
fix you angst ?
