Monday, May 20, 2013

Haiku Monday: Innocent Love


Really, did I care
about braces or muscles?
No! Just happiness.




No armor needed, 
no fear,  completely trusting
Dad love is mighty




Friendly little bums
explore, experience, share
 love, on life's first beach



Blushing in his joy,
this man-boy knows  his future,
She is his only.





Tuesday, May 7, 2013

THREE





Three decades ago, Blowfish and I walked this "aisle" to the glass church in the woods where we  were married  on the second Tuesday in May at 6pm.  The chapel is on Siesta Key, a barrier island  on a spit of land between Sarasota Bay and the Gulf of Mexico.  A lovely place to make a vow of a lifetime. The location is replete with symbols of timelessness:
big skies, big ocean, endless tides, endless sunshine.
No one who marries here could fail to understand the  size of the commitment. Huge. It is probably a very good thing that word
begins with a hug.


In recognition of this event,  Blowfish and I are going forth to have some fun  on another island.



There is much to look forward to. Because it is also Mother's Day weekend and the beginning of the season for this location, there is a lot going on. There is an art festival, a music festival and taste of the islands event with participating restaurants. There are wine tastings  in interesting locations.



I sailed on one of these last Summer is Charleston Harbor so I thought taking Blowfish out
for an authentic Pirates activity ( drinking, eating, wenching) ) would, er ..... float his boat.

He on the other hand is looking forward to this:



To be fair this is not just a big pile of sand.
it is the largest sand dune in the USA
I thought it was interesting 
until
I read the warnings 
about 
ticks

Now I am trying to divert his interests here:



The Wright Brothers Museum
Nearby, he actually can book a ride on a bi-plane.
(I will take pictures and wave)



He will be less interested in visiting these
Elizabethan Gardens
but he will
for me
with a good spirit
and a kind heart


His reward will be
here


home to the award winning 1587 Restaurant
about which 
Frommer's said this:
"...offers the best, creative cuisine along the Outer Banks"


Delightfully
these are the official greeters at our accommodations





Where we will be staying in the Secret Garden Bungalow
which we will enjoy
more than we planned
if the weather
looks like this
as
predicted



Hmmmm
this looks familiar
maybe walking the plank
for a different
type
of
fish
?

Thursday, May 2, 2013

How Much?



Here at the Pond we need a new refrigerator. I know this sounds simple, yet it is not. There is more to this issue than just what style; French door, bottom freezer, side by side or what finish; stainless, white, panel ready?

Actually the contractor is down stairs making a lot of demolitions noise. In our 1942 vintage home the vertical space for a refrigerator is 67.75". That has been just fine for the past 70 years but now refrigerators have gotten taller. To be fair it is possible to buy a refrigerator within this height restriction but these are not our best option. Too bad because they are thousands fewer dollars than the type we do need.

What is needed is a newer counter depth refrigerator because it will give us the clearance necessary for an island. Our Kitchen is large and open with a lot of empty space in the middle. We could have put a small  freestanding butcher block in there years ago but instead have been stuck on the notion of having one that was created from a modified vintage cabinet with a marble top for pastry making. We actually do not make any kind of pastries but that has not weighed heavily on our thoughts.



Our other big issue is the cabinetry in our Kitchen was all built in place on site. These days cabinet boxes are cleated onto walls then fitted with door or drawer fronts. In our house the cabinets were built in place by carpenters which means they cannot be unmounted from the wall because they are part of the walls. Thus, it was necessary for us to hire a master finish carpenter to modify existing cabinetry in situ.

Of course, so far,  as is typical with we Pond dwellers, we have agreed on the big picture but not the details. Since we were going to have this carpenter on site we decided it was wisest to have him make some desired  corrections to a bath window and the entry transoms and ... well the list is growing by the hour.

There is the issue of the stove too. It needs replacing but the space available is 40". This was a standard appliance width in the 1940's  here and remains a standard in Europe.  Very few American made ranges  are available today. Again we will need to either modify the cabinetry or find a 40" width appliance.
 At  www.AntiqueAppliances.com  they have spectacular fully restored vintage stoves. This beautiful Wedgewood stove has 6 burners, 2 ovens , all new interiors and beautifully restored porcelain and chrome finishes.  Not allowing for shipping or installation, the cost  is about $8,000. A brand new cobalt blue Aga cooker is $8,000 - $14,000 also not including shipping or installation. Neither option is within budget. What Blowfish has a hankering for is a dual fuel stove with at least 5 gas burners and
a pair of electric-convection ovens. And, he wants stainless steel which I do not.  Is anyone surprised?
As it turns out there are two USA companies that still make a 40" appliance with dual fuel. Kenmore and Frigidaire. Both are made in the same factory, look identical and share the same bad reviews from unhappy cooks, bakers and remodelers. They do have a friendly price point  at less than half the restored ones or the  basic Aga.  The vintage stoves are not dually fueled. You can get a restored one as a gas or an electric unit but not both. This is not satisfactory to Blowfish. He wants  what he wants and sees no point in paying thousands for what he does not want.

Naturally I have been searching for the compromise solution.
I even researched without getting out my passport or hopping onto a plane to Italy where they know how to make appliances which speak to me. Unfortunately they are not in the budget.  Since the restored Wedgewood has been vetoed because it is an all gas appliance,  I thought this dual fuel Ilve would be a nice compromise.


 It is true the top is not beautiful  vintage chrome. It is stainless.
 But, since the enamel is available in cobalt blue  I thought I could compromise on the stainless. Unfortunately Blowfish  was not thinking this was any sort of compromise. He did not even ask about the shipping  from Italy or the installation charges before saying " No! Fishy, No!" I was hoping for a " Yes! Fishy, Yes!"

Too bad.

So far we have agreed to panel ready refrigerator and dishwasher  if we go with a stainless cooker. If  we go with a white cooker with a stainless or chrome top then we need not spend the additional thousands for the panel ready options. We would just buy white finishes which are the least expensive. I think this is reasonable but I am only one vote. I do know however, that there are three votes to be had:

(1) Fishy,
(1) Blowfish and
(1) Blowfish's stomach.
I keep thinking that last vote will land on my page after a month or two of no cooker at all.
Alas there is also the vote from "expedience".
Today, when the carpenter was leaving he said,
"I will need  the  dimensions for the new refrigerator by tomorrow."





Sunday, April 28, 2013

Really?!?

I had an appointment this week with a specialist in Rheumatology in nearby BigCity. The "first available" appointment was about 5 weeks from date of referral.  That is 5 weeks of "what-iffing" and other anxieties.
Because Arthritis killed my Mother and, my favorite Great Aunt, I have a solid understanding of what was, or was not, the typical path of this illness. The truth is the fate of my Mother and the fate of my Aunt were very similar. Even with 30 years of medical advances and research between them , these largely proved ineffective in all areas except pain management. Progression of this illness is "managed" better by therapies and medications but every step of progress has a counter step. Doctors can prescribe COX2 inhibitors but they might cause heart damage. Then too, you can take these with yet another prescription to protect your stomach and then must take 3 more supplements to protect from skeletal damage caused by the stomach med!  Great.  They might prescribe steroids to reduce inflammation but this repeated protocol will cause Diabetes. Ultimately my ancestors  march from orthopedic shoes-to- cane-to-walker-to-wheelchair-to-hospital bed was not arrested. 

I am not interested in following in their wheels.



The early news is preliminary blood work has ruled out rheumatoid factors and Lupus. This is very good news as I have tested positively for Lupus off and on since my 20's. It was a relief for this specialist to say assuredly "you do not have" an entire spectrum of illnesses. Since I began the first 6 weeks of 2013 as a patient with the Spinal Rehabilitation Center I knew the degeneration and arthritis in my spine was permanent The good news is we have a "musculo-skeletal" system and my "musculos" have long been well developed and maintained. One of the referral reasons was to determine if there is also a "musculo" illness lurking. Still unknown but I am hopeful  these results will also be negative. At least the primary suspect for this "musculo" issue does not destroy muscle, tendons, ligaments, it just makes them all  hurt. 

I return next month for evaluation two. 
I suspect I will again be told  that I do have several different types of arthritis , one type in my spine and another one  in major joints and yet a third in my hands which is typically caused by endocrine disorders. The recommendations will likely be about awareness, body mechanics and pain/inflammation management. I  fully understand the enemy is within and this is the battle for Fishy. I am actually an optimist so  am praying for the best results possible and invite you all to join me.




Yesterday was a gray, rainy, cold, icky day so Blowfish and I cancelled our plans to clean out the Garage and went instead to a movie. We saw Olympus Has Fallen. As usual, we do not agree on the message.
I actually think there is one where Blowfish does not. Or to be clear he finds the message is: box office profits soar with each explosion , each fist to plexus and every gun discharge. I think the message is: a call to awareness of our extreme peril.  Maybe it's because we do not go to the movies very often, or maybe because I truly am Pollyanna, but this movie is tremendously upsetting on many levels. 

Note: If you plan to see this movie stop reading this post now.

First there is the violence. Lots and lots of it  shown in a most disturbing way.  There is plenty  of hand to hand combat and up close shooting. The camera positions portray the carnage in a way that is intimate. Like you are experiencing the effect of having just placed a gun to a head and spattered gray matter all over the wall. In many of the shots, in the last possible fraction of a second, the lead character is no longer  the visual buffer between you and the terrorist in the White House. There is that last look in the eyes before the bang and the splatter. 

I had quite the gut flip watching a huge, weapons modified, cargo plane wreak havoc on Washington's finest architecture. I was horrified by the portrayal of the ease of the capture of the White House. Here was  employed a mixed use of our history and psychic traumas by flying planes through our symbols of  freedom and democracy and, by having the  Asian enemy in the White House, as a diplomatic entourage, at the time of the  attack.





I thought the music was not too good,  far too loud, actually distracting.
I thought the one man as hero  metaphoric. 
I thought the military brass and political decision makers portrayed as spineless idiots metaphoric too.



What terrified me the most?

The threat of being able to destroy world balance with a few computer keystrokes.
All the mayhem was about physical access to computers in the White House bunker.

Today, 
I watched an interview with Eric Schmidt, the executive chairman of Google.
He has a new book out addressing his visions of how the digital age will shape the future of individuals, nations and business.  Some of the things Schmidt said:
* the speed of computing has, and will continue to, override man. 
* personal privacy is already a myth
 There are  dossiers on all of us compiled by the combination of our  computer and credit card use and the gps data from our smart phones. By the way, this  data  is already being used to influence us by which pop up ads appear on our computers and by the hierarchy of data we receive on our "devices".
* Children will need to be taught defensive "digital privacy"  at an early age.
  (just think how easy it will be to brainwash an entire culture, not just a generation,  by controlling all the data they receive)
* Not surprising was the casual admission "cyber security" cannot be achieved.

We have all  lived through " The Great American Swindle" where by the good have been villified, stolen from and punished while the greedy and unscrupulous have been rewarded and applauded. All of that, and so much more, can revisit us as a nation,  or personally, in our homes, our bank accounts, even if our cars will start. We have lost. Being a keystroke from destruction is not virtual, it is real. 

It has occurred to me that this week has been united in it's message.
The enemy is within.
God help us all.



Friday, April 12, 2013

See No Evil

It will come as no surprise to many of you  if I mention Blowfish is a man of opinions. He is a man who grew up on Staten Island with jobs as early as age 8. I think his first job was as an assistant on his Uncle Frank's milk route or as the delivery "runner" for another Uncle's butcher shop. Later as a  gofer for various enterprises. As a teen he had Summer jobs as a life guard on the beaches and in Winter as the parking jockey for the ferry to Manhatten. In each of these jobs there was an expectation for promptness, reliability, manners and a presentation of self which would pass his mother's keen inspections.

He earned habits which have lasted a lifetime. It is rare to ever see this man in an untucked shirt, or unkempt hair, or scuffed shoes.
(I might just mention there is no human and no machine which could ever shine a boot better than Blowfish). His truck is always clean, he would never leave home with a bed unmade,  he carries a nail clipper in his pocket and his shirt collars stand as erect as any diplomats.

Every year when Spring emerges and temperatures rise, Blowfish gets a bit cranky.
The public starts shedding  layers of clothing thus exposing that which should not be seen.  At least  in public.  When Blowfish comes home at the end of his day I am the recipient of what I call "The Evening Flesh Report" which is this man's vocalized outrage at the presentation of flesh he would have rather not seen.
He feels violated.
" What is the matter  with these people Fishy! Have they no pride?"
" More likely no manners and no mirrors."
" Oh no! They all have mirrors. They like to admire their own tattoos! Clearly they want the world to as well.
It is clear to me decency is over"
" Don't look".
" How am I to do that if it is out there?  Is modesty history too?"
"For some time now."

Blowfish was slamming things. A rare event. But as he was fetching a bottle from the wine fridge, fetching the wine opener from the cabinet and selecting glasses to go with the wine he was slamming doors as a way to punctuate his outrage.

" Today I saw the personals of a  woman I do not know.  I saw her tattoo arching over the great divide. I saw that  she is not a natural blond. I saw her purple sequined underwear with no fabric just a waistband.Why did she do this to me? I am a graphic designer which makes me a very visual person!"

Trying to maintain a straight face I asked,
" Did you know they make purple sequined thong underwear for men too?"
" Those are not men."
" Well, I gather this stranger whom you now know personally was not presenting a fit, young visual?"
" Fishy, you know I do not find this funny. It is true, like any man, I would rather my gaze fell upon beautiful  young flesh than wizened older flesh but in all sincerity I wish women would cover up. Men too. I am sick of seeing young men with their pants at half mast , their heads shaved and their  arms looking like the comic strips."


" Maybe you should run for office. Clearly there are far more important things to outlaw than Big Gulps."


"Okay. So Bloomberg picked the wrong battle. What happened to the laws about indecent exposure? In my life guarding days there were not signs on the beach which said, 'Dress your fat!' but there was an expectation for people to not force others to see what should not be seen. Back in the day, there was a standard to be upheld. Laugh at you want but 'decency" was admired not scoffed over. No decent person would be showing so much flesh. We lifeguards saw everything and nothing I saw then compared with the offensive  visions of today. Back in the day the "tattoo woman" was part of the Straits shows.

"I am quite certain 'back in the day' there were older women with their  ta-tas exposed and those in bikinis who looked like advertisements for cellulite therapies  and didn't speedo jokes start in the fifties? I agree we see far more than we should. Haven't we always? The good news is the fitness craze. At least the ones you see who are looking prime are on the rise too."


" Fishy, you are being deliberately obtuse.  There are people  out there of every body type showing too much body!  Some of them are fit but I see more of the ones with rolls of fat on display. The Michelin man looks slim by comparison. I am not judging these people because they are obese. I am saying if you have that issue do not put on your skimpies and go forth for the unsuspecting to see it!"

Barely pausing for a sip he rushed on,

" There  are women  older than me who are out in public in what looks like pink and black skin with running shoes to match.  It's great they are in shape but they are barely more than nekked. The Bond women showed less! I saw a woman at the grocers yesterday in a scandalous tennis costume and thought,

'How am I going to unsee this? '



Laughing and topping off his wine glass I asked,
" How is it  you could be a professor in an art college,  in Florida, where most of the students were half naked, chocked full of riotous  hormones and  were busy living and illustrating  every coming of age pang  without you having  these issues? "

" Because Fishy that was normal!   Kids coming of age is always normal. Once you reach the age of maturity you are suppose to stay grown!   Thank God my teaching days were before this trend to show it all, pierce it all and ink it all."

Watching Blowfish in a flap about something does have an entertainment value. At least for me.  Laughing at this man divesting himself of the days horror  the imp in me wondered if there was space on those purple sequined man thongs for a monogram?














Monday, March 25, 2013

Miss Henry's Story

When our family moved to the Carolinas we picked a smallish town with an interesting history and extraordinary architecture. This is an architecturally  diverse community with spectacular representations of most every style of Southern  vernacular architecture. We bought a home in a neighborhood once marketed as " in town estates" because of the lot sizes. Our street is a horseshoe with the lots on the inside of the curve all about 1.3 acre lots and the ones on the outside of the curve about 2 acre lots with a few larger properties  on the outside ends. Being Southern, as many trees as possible were preserved and massive amounts of azaleas, camellias, roses,
hydrangea, spirea and forsythia  grace every yard. It is beautiful. No two houses are alike as few were built the same year. Ours is the oldest having come to life  in 1942-43.  Our house will never be known as the "Fishy's", it will always be known by it's architect ( Linley) and  by the owners for the first fifty something years "Miss Lula". For the first decade we lived here I could still run into folks who would say, " Oh! You live in Miss Lula's house". Sometimes I would reply, " I like to think it is our house", that statement would just get waved off.  Even now when I meet new people who ask where I live they seek to clarify by asking,
" The Linley one? " or " Miss Lula's?"

It's looking like Blowfish and I are getting new neighbors  on our North side. This is a rare event in our location as folks tend to stay in these home for 50 years or  longer.  Many of our neighbors are in their 80's, some are in their 90's and have lived in their homes since they commissioned them.  The property  next door has been vacant for a decade or so. It is well cared for with crews coming regularly to provide lawn service or replace roofing or gutters, or random storm caused repairs. The property is a very beautiful tree studded acre and a half with a graceful Neo-Classic home of old weathered brick with wrought iron columns and floor to ceiling windows along the front veranda.  The grounds are spectacular.


When we first moved here I met our neighbor, an elderly woman know as Miss Henry D. She was the originator of the house and lived there alone although she had "help" with her during the days. In the evenings, she would venture outdoors
to sit in her garden to listen to the wind in the trees and hear the evening bird songs.  Maybe a dozen years ago the help came to work one morning to discover Miss Henry D had spent the night in her bathtub having been unable to get out
safely on her own.

She was not injured but very stiff and sore.
At the time she was 93 years of age. I can tell you I am decades away from 93 and I can get stiff and sore if I sit at this computer too long. I can't imagine spending the night in my bathtub with a towel for a pillow and another for modesty. After this event there was a "sitter" who stayed at Miss Henry D's overnight. A circumstance her daughter June insisted upon and  irritated the daylights out of Miss Henry D.

Shortly after this life changing event I had my only lengthy visit with Miss Henry D.  It came as a surprise to both of us. There is a dense, high hedge and a fence between our properties. I was out hunting for tennis balls under the hedge when she came marching out to the upper regions of her yard  to have a blistering conversation with her statue of  St. Francis. Hearing her attack I busted out laughing startling Miss Henry D
into speechlessness. Almost.
"No lady worth the name would conceal herself in this way!" she  proclaimed.
Standing up with tennis ball in hand I apologized for my intrusion into her conversation with St. Francis explaining I had been concealed by my quest for the ball and not as a result of cowardice.
" Why did you laugh at my distress?"
" I was not laughing at your distress Miss Henry, I was laughing because I thought I was the only one who comes outside to proclaim my grievances to the saints. I do owe you an apology which I hope you will accept."
There was a lengthy pause before she said,
" I will not stand here and have a conversation  over a prickly hedge."
" Would you like a glass of lemonade?"
" I would prefer a fine wine."
I nipped inside to fetch a bottle of bubbly and some glasses then made the trek to her yard. When I got there Miss Henry was more composed and seated on her classic Charleston Bench.  Even at 93 she was upright, slim , groomed, elegant and beautiful.  Taking the glass she quietly said,
" This is my favorite time of day."
I nodded my understanding but did not speak as it was clear Miss Henry's thoughts were elsewhere. She was holding her glass up for a refill before she spoke again.
" I will not live what remains of my life to suit others. I have not the patience of St. Francis for the folly of humans.  I have quite earned the right to my freedom which I will not relinquish."

 If you have never seen a cultured, educated, wealthy, ninety something have a fit of anger you  missed something spectacular. Miss Henry had that very day returned from court  to defend her right to liberty. Her daughter June had petitioned the courts to obtain authority over her mother's life. June wanted her mother to either move to an assisted living facility or to have round the clock care takers at home. Miss Henry did not.
The judge found  Miss. Henry of sound mind and dismissed June's petition.
Miss Henry dismissed the evening caretaker.

I want to share with your Miss Henry's story. It is amazing. It should never be lost either. Here is what she told me.  She was the oldest daughter in a family of five children. She was tall for a girl of her era and very bookish, " not silly at all". It had been her ambition to study the great philosophers in Paris. She was in the year of preparation to be "presented" to society when her mother and father called her to the parlor to be introduced to her father's financier Mr. Henry D.

 Her father had experienced some sort of financial distress and had defaulted on a  substantial loan. As  fate would have it Mr. Henry D was quite smitten with the beauty, grace and intellect of this rare young woman. He had offered  to forgo the loan in exchange for an opportunity to court this amazing young woman. His hope was to
"win her heart and her hand".  Neither happened. But, her father gave her hand in marriage to his contemporary against the protests of his daughter.

When Miss Henry D told me this I was shocked. She would have been  in her teens in the early to mid 1920's . Surely way beyond the time when fathers arranged their daughters unions! I mentioned my surprise only to be told it was not her father who forced the issue it was her mother! Apparently her mother appealed to her sense of duty toward honor, family, siblings. Miss Henry still resisted but her mother had the announcement  published and  the bans read so she was " betrothed and thus  obligated against my will".

She did say Mr. Henry D was a fine gentleman. Mannerly " in all things" and "never ceased to court my favor".  He took her to Paris, bought her a library of the great books on philosophy and in general provided a fine life for her. It was his health issues which  caused the move from her beloved low country,  away from all her friends and cousins. While the house was under construction he hired a landscape architect to design the property to her wishes. She told the man, " I love eventide in the marshes, the movement of  the willowy grasses and the waters, the birds and the music of the winds in the trees. I am loathe to relinquish these."  Her property was designed so the lawn would flow around and through islands of  various  ground covers, dotted with peninsulas of dogwood and  cherry trees while the perimeter has banks of azaleas of every shade of pink under stately oaks.  It is truly an oasis of peace and beauty.

Miss Henry D did say she had "experienced a fine life"  for one who had been called to forfeit her independence. She told the judge she had made a vow to God upon Mr. Henry's death that she would never again "live her life to the mercy of others". That it was her privilege to live in her home for as long as she wished until she exited feet first  and no one had the right to interrupt her intentions. The judge she said, had asked her  why she had made that vow. She had explained, "Sir, I am in my 93rd year, I married before my 18th birthday to a man of my fathers age. From that day to this one I am addressed as 'Miss Henry D'.  Within my own home is the only place I, Francine Caroline, still exist."

A few years later Miss Henry D  was rolled out the front door and down the long stone walkway to an ambulance. June was at her side, taking control. I understand June. The only child of an at risk mother, doing what she thought was best. I am sure she loved her mother who lived her remaining years in a facility pleading to be returned to her home.  I often thought if June had heard her mother's conversation with Saint Francis she would have found the strength to honor her mother's wishes. For a few years, on special occasions, an ambulance would bring Miss Henry home to her garden, rolling the gurney right out by the Charleston bench where the attendants would leave her be for a few hours. I will always believe Miss Henry D would have preferred death to enduring what life remained to her under the control of others.

Blowfish and I will likely enjoy  the new neighbors who are having a lot of restoration work done before they move. They appear to have great respect for Miss Henry's architecture and landscape. I admit to keeping a sharp eye out on her statue of Saint Francis. If it is to go then I will find a place for it here.   I expect I will  see these new neighbors outside in the evenings strolling their grounds. In my heart though, I will always think of this property as Miss Francine Caroline's solace.




Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Happy Mermaid Mother's Day

Today 
is my favorite 
day of the year.
 because
March 19th 
is
 Mermaid's birthday
and
the day
 I became 
a
 Mama



                          

When Mermaid was little
people would say to Blowfish
"Your wife is a fool about that child!"
Blowfish 
would nod his agreement
and 
smile




When Mermaid and I started our days
at the beach before school
the teachers would say,
" You are a fool about that child!"
I would smile
 nodding
 my agreement




When Mermaid had to have a horse
My Dad said to me,
" Heh! You are a fool about that child !"
I would smile 
and
 nod in agreement
before saying,
" Maybe a fool about that horse too."



When 
Mermaid and I 
went adventuring together
strangers would say,
" You sure are a fool for that child!"
 They would all be smiling
never
 frowning

When Mermaid grew her hair
longer than long
sporting
wind tangled curls 
my siblings would say,
" Do something with that hair !"
 I would reply,
" I love her hair !"



When the day came
for 
Mermaid 
to leave home
I hugged her tight 
and 
whispered
" Be joyful"



Joy 
to the world!
Joy
 for the Fishy's
In the deep blue sea
Joy!
For me and you.


PS

Yes!
I remain 
 a
fool 
about 
our
beloved
fabulous
joyful
Mermaid.