Sunday, February 28, 2010
I left for a 5 day get acquainted trip with the Fizz.
2000+ miles and 15 days later I am returned to the Pond.
I did pack my laptop but not the power cord. My bad.
I could have used more than one pair of shoes and 4 clothing changes too.
There was more Fizzing along than my new transport.
I had a very Fizzy brain too.
"Time" was a recurring theme.
Time in the larger sense.
Not the I need to find a gas station now sense.
Time in the sense of time to this point and
defining new goals for the time to come.
Such a simple sentence for such anything but simple complexities.
People are complex, lives are complex, decisions are complex.
Somewhere in the back channel thoughts about time have been percolating.
I actually do know the exact place and reason the thoughts were ignited.
One of those days where reality over runs you and takes your measure.
Time keeps on
into the future
Remember this tune? I don't want my time to slip into the future.
I maybe want, very badly, to not slip-up into the future either.
If I did movie clips I might do a Mermaid favorite from A Knight's Tale.
The scene where Chaucer is traveling naked down the path,
when questioned about what he was doing his response was "trudging"
questioned again he responded " to trudge ...."
I also wish not " to trudge".
I'd like to think my trudge years are behind me but ,
what if they are slipping back into my future?
I have a different favorite scene from the same movie,
I love Williams belief in a mans ability to
" change his stars"
He refused to run,
claimed to be a knight from inside out
as it appeared.
He stood for his belief in self and in fact,
changed his stars.
A fairy tale?
But even the Grimm brothers could tell you their most successful tales all hold a lesson of truth.
I suspect the message permanently markered onto my makeup mirror is also about time.
This message says:
" There are only two reasons a woman abandons her dream,
The first is because she might realize her dream,
The second is because she might not,
Without the dream, she is lost"
All along I have thought this is a statement about making a choice.
A statement to choose and then pursue.
A statement about pursuing a dream of your own choosing.
A statement which reinforces the concept of :
the difference between a dream and a goal
Is a time line and an action plan.
Dreams rarely become reality.
Goals ARE reached
Dreams require no effort
Goals require a comprehensive strategy
Now I think the markered mirror message is about timing.
When I was five,
I dreamed of having a baby brother.
When I was fifteen,
the dreams definitely were not about babies or brothers.
When I was twenty five
I was not thinking of Chaucer's " to trudge" but,
I had not pursued or prepared for my dream so trudge I did.
Daily. Weekly. Montly. Yearly. Endless trudging.
Right foot, left foot. Right foot, left foot into the future.
Then I changed my stars.
I identified the dream,
Strived for years to achieve the dream,
Lived the dream,
Enjoyed the dream,
Shared the dream,
OWNED the dream.
Only it wasn't a dream.
It was my goal described as " the dream".
Time is evolving my dream.
Perhaps a new dream is forming.
I think it is an extension, or maybe a natural progression, of the original dream.
But I have to define it.
Form an action plan and a time line.
Part of the Fizzy brain syndrome, and part of the miles, were in pursuit of that definition.
A return to the status of hunter/gatherer.
For information .
To aid in the formulation of a new strategy for
time coming to a future near me.
I am mindful of the Julia Roberts movie about her best friends wedding.
The scene where she so earnestly pleads,
" Choose me"
What that line means to me is " Choose wisely"
Don't have a panic attack and clutch for the comfortable and familiar.
Choose growth, choose stretching of self, choose challenge, choose rather than default to ...
Vows are about time.
I promise to .... forever
Well, does that mean I will love , honor, cherish another exactly as I do on this day for all eternity? Of course not. Impossible. Time changes us. We can still love, honor, cherish for all our days but it will be a fluid , living, evolving, honoring of the promise.
I love being Mermaid's mother.
Our home is filled with photographs of captured joy.
The essence of the days depicted.
These are cherished photographs, cherished memories and
they will never happen again.
Other joys will build on the foundations we have laid down.
In this current time, and in future time.
Time is a fluid, living, evolving reality.
Mermaid is grown.
Mermaid lives hundreds of miles from home.
I live hundreds of miles from my own mother.
Do we love each other less because of the miles?
given the realities of time being a fluid, living , evolving reality
would I think a change in dream or goals would be unusual?
Requiring all this fizzy brainwork?
But necessary to prevent slippage.