Monday, May 30, 2011

Haiku Monday: Cliche`

The fat lady sings
Our  red, white and blue high notes
While patriots weep

Our balancing act?
We weigh our bad paper now,
not golden eagles

If I am lying
I am dying to see you
standing tall again

It's a crying shame
These legislators blame game
forfeit our good name

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Twits n Tweets

Last week I scheduled a one on one tutoring session on my new camera. Blowfish and Mermaid gave me this awesome piece of equipment.  As a joke, or an oversight, the manual is in Spanish. I was okay with that for the first few chapters, and the areas with enough pictographs for me to follow. Once I  turned the page on the  technical stuff  on shutter priorities and metering I was in trouble.

On the way to the lesson in nearby Big City, while stopped in traffic,  I observed a sign in a dry cleaners window.  It said:

Help wanted!
Twittery people do not apply!

My pocket sized point and shoot camera wasn't in my purse.  The new Nikon was in the cargo bay tucked into it's compartmented bag with the lenses.  The distance was too far for the  phone camera.  There wasn't time to stop, get the camera, take some pics and get to the lesson on time. Too bad. I think I would have enjoyed interviewing the employer as no doubt there is a good story behind that sign. 

I take that back! There is not a "good" story behind that sign. There is tragedy.  Probably we all have experienced our fair share of  irritation with those who are hired to provide "customer service" but cannot  be interrupted to perform these responsibilities because they are too busy tweeting/texting. I have been chastised by a  teen sales twit for interrupting her obviously personal phone use by asking if she would soon be available to answer a question about a product.  No doubt she had to tweet all her friends about how awful it is they expect her to actually do something to receive a paycheck. It does NOT count as an awesome accomplishment to just show up.

The camera tutorial  was informative.  Not too overwhelming. Maybe.

After the lesson, since I was in  Big City, I went by the largest regional mall to check on a few things. Sometimes clients ask me about the quality of products  at various retailers so when possible I take a look. On the way to Pottery Barn I was approached by a charming young man who informed me my skin was in tragic need of nourishment from dead sea salts which were right over here at his kiosk. Hard to believe I turned this down right? He was undaunted saying,
"I see you keep your nails natural, I can make them healthier". I am sure he could but as I was side stepping and he was refusing to take "no" for an answer his phone barked which made him abruptly turn and walk the opposite direction gesticulating with  abandon and bellowing in his undecipherable native tongue.  For once I was glad personal issues trumped the professional. I did wonder  though, if he would have taken the call   had  I succumbed to  his pitch for a public sea salted massage?

As always, when I walk into a Pottery Barn, Restoration Hardware, Anthropologie , West Elm or Crate and Barrel, I had that gut squeezing clutch. I CAN damn well imagine what I would do in a store of that size with that endless budget. I will never have the budget. Maybe I should just succumb to the lust and apply to be the "visual designer" for others.

That too is getting phased out. Did you know Restoration Hardware is closing stores? Their E Business is up so there is less need for physical locations. They are spending investment dollars in state of the art automated logistics, not real estate.  They also have a great program for buying designer rooms. Just  scroll through the collection,   pick a room you like, send them dimensions and they will ship it all to you. Rug, art, furniture, lamps, window treatments, accessories. Sort of a high end RTG.
If you see a room you love but you spouse is away, not to worry, you can  tweet the entire package with a single click. If you are a developer in need of a furnished model just contact their commercial division, they'll ship and install.
Just pick you rooms off the website.

Later I was in a department store when I heard one staff member say to another , " Ready? We've got about 90 seconds." I looked around  but everything appeared normal to me.  Had I known what was coming I would have used the 90 seconds to flee! Ignorance is not bliss in all circumstances. What happened was the store had just tweeted  members of their "juniors club" a one hour special on a particular brand of jeans. In seconds I was in a screaming teen mob scene of hellish nightmares. First I cursed the proximity of the shoe department to the teen department . Next I stopped to observe the frenzy and thought, " I need to find a way for this to work in the design industry. I would be richer than Tweet"!

I puzzled on that on my way home.

So I'm asking you bloggers  this question
" Do you sign up to get tweets?"
Say I was  at a market and encountered an awesome company which will turn a photo of your dog into rocking dog art? Or a dog from your past? They do custom as well as  inventory the popular breeds.  Suppose I tweeted this and took pictures and orders for the rockers? Would you do this?

Or, say I was traveling in Charleston and encountered an artist who weaves exceptional seagrass baskets. If I tweeted  a  one hour window for orders to be placed, would you do this? Do you do this? How do you choose with whom to do this?

Is this THE way? 

If Chickory is at the Farmer's Market and she has the  e-mail addresses for  persons who  bought apples locally could she tweet them with: I will be here for three hours; 8 paintings, great veggies and amazing flowers available til noon! 
Could Moi and Aunty send out a tweet offering a special on 5000 words? 
Can Boxer clear her warehouse with a  single tweet?

Would  enough come for Chickory to return home with an empty truck?
Can this work for micro businesses as well as big retailers? Is this possible without harassing everyone you ever met or will meet?  Would you find this rational if you did not know the person or recognize a business name?

It might be I need a sign which reads:
" Twittery people apply  here."

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Haiku Monday: First Kiss

Family History:

Canine kisser of wee babe
Guardian of love


What about noses?
Tilt right? Tilt left? Collision!
Kiss my racing heart. 

 American History:

Johnny kiss'd sweet Rose
sparkin' the  feud atween them
Hatfields and McCoys

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Haiku Monday: SONG

My favorite verse from the original Doors version:

"Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done,
Spend your lives in sin and misery
In the House of the Rising Sun"


Mama's boy would sing
"The House of the Rising Sun"
plaintively at five.